


Becoming Okay

by m4lis



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Denial, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Internalized Homophobia, Jos Verstappen's A+ Parenting, M/M, max is sad and hates himself and deserves the world, they're slowly becoming friends and then
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:53:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27657782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m4lis/pseuds/m4lis
Summary: where Max has grown up not knowing it is okay to be himself and do what he wants to do.or where Max and Daniel slowly become friends and Max figures out that maybe that is not quite enough.
Relationships: Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen
Comments: 2
Kudos: 99





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I changed up the chapters, combining 1&2 and 3&4, so that the chapters are longer. The story is the same.

Max never really had many friends when he was younger, growing up his dad basically forced him into karting- Max was lucky he actually enjoyed it. But after realizing how talented the boy actually was, his dad kept on pushing him to do better, not allowing him to make friends or even small talk with any of the other boys in karting. Because Max was better than all of the other boys and should act accordingly- is what he always used to say. And while the young boy would always try and respect his father’s wishes, he couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to be able to hang out with the other boys. It wasn’t fair, all the other kids got to hang out with each other, so why couldn’t Max? 

Even though he wished he could, Max knew better than to talk back, he’d learned the hard way that doing so would only result into his dad pushing him into a wall and sometimes even hitting him. And although looking back, a lot of people would argue it was abusive, but Max never used to see it that way.

So Max grew up, went from karting to GP3 and finally at the age of 17 got into Formula 1, making him the youngest driver to ever partake in Formula 1. He was so excited about it all, his mother and sister told him how proud they were of him, but his dad kept silent- only telling him to work harder. And while Max knew his father was right, that he should train and work as hard as he could, he couldn’t help but wish for his father to tell him- just this once, that he was proud of him. 

After a full year of being in F1, Max still didn’t have any friends, sure he knew all of the guys, a few of them had invited him to go out with them every once in a while, but they were acquaintances and that was all they’d ever be. Because he wanted- needed to be the best driver of them all, and making friends would only distract him.  
But in 2016, Max went from Toro Rosso to Red Bull Racing and that’s where he and Daniel became teammates. Daniel and Max were complete opposites. Daniel was all loud, enthousiastic, funny and he had tons of friends, everyone seemed to like him- while Max, was quiet, to himself, agressive and didn’t have any friends. And while they were so different, Max still seemed to like Daniel.

Max won his first race at the Grand Prix in Spain and he had been so excited, but when after the podium ceremony his dad didn’t even so much as smiled at him and only told him that it was about time he finally got a win, his heart broke a little. He should’ve known, in his seventeen years his father has never once told him he was proud of him, why would today be any different?

Going into his motorhome, he fell down onto the chair and finally let himself break down, tears streaming down his face. It only took about 10 minutes before he heard a knock on his door, he quickly wiped his tears away as he saw the door open, Daniel standing in the doorway with a big smile on his face, which quickly dropped once he saw Max’ puffy red eyes.

“Hey, what’s going on, mate? Are you ok?” 

And that was all it took for Max to break down again. Daniel quickly closed the door and walked over to him, wrapping his arm around him. 

To be honest, Max had secretly always been a tiny bit infatuated with Daniel, has always looked up to him, since the first time he’d seen him all those years back. He couldn’t tell you why though, he never really understood the fascination he had with the older man.

“Max-” Daniel pulled back from the hug, but kept his hands still on Max’ upperarms. “What happened?”

Max looked up and froze, eyes widening once he realized he just spent minutes in his teammates’ arms crying his eyes out. He quickly pulled away from Daniel and wiped at his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie. 

“Max?”

“It’s fine-” Max nodded, as if trying to convince himself. “I’m fine.” he added, but Daniel seemed unconvinced.

The two of them sat in silence for a while, before Max finally stood up and announced that he was going back to the hotel to take a shower, not leaving any room for an invitation, but Daniel took it anyway- interrupting him and telling him that he’d come with, they could have a drink together. Max hesitated but finally agreed.

Once the two of them finally settled in Max’s hotelroom, Daniel lying down on the bed, with Max uncomfortably sitting down on the floor at the end of the bed, back facing Daniel, Daniel spoke up. “Ok, so, you obviously don’t have to tell me what happened back there,” he took a pause, looked at Max who had turned around now, licked his lips and continued. “but I gotta say, I have heard from a lot of people that I’m amazing at giving advice.” 

Max didn’t reply at first, so Daniel spoke up again, “And if you’re not looking for any advice, I'm a pretty good listener as well.” 

“I don’t think I want to talk about it.” 

“That’s ok, whenever you’re ready, mate.” Daniel smiled at him, a genuinge smile and Max felt his heart flutter and cheeks heat up. 

“I’m not sure though,” he spoke up after a while. “I suppose I should, no?” 

Daniel looked unsure, “Well, yeah. It’s important to talk about how you’re doing and what’s going on, but you can talk to anyone you trust, Max, it doesn’t have to be me.”

The younger boy nodded and looked down, picking on his nails, whispering. “I just, I don’t think I trust anyone else.”

“Oh,” Daniel gulped and Max could feel the man sitting behind him stare at the back of his head. “Well, then you can talk to me whenever you want. I’m always here to listen.” 

Max nodded, but stayed stilent, deciding not to talk about it, if his father had taught him anything it was that real men don’t talk about their feelings. So he kept quiet, ignoring the voice in the back of his head that was telling him to talk to Daniel.

He wasn’t used to thinking like that, no one ever asked him about his thoughts and his feelings growing up, no one besides his mother and sister. But even to them, he never even thought about talking about his feelings, because talking about your feelings was a sign of weakness and the only men that did were gay, and don’t even get him started about being gay. That really was out of the question.

His father had a lot of strong opinions, about a lot of things and Max was taught to agree with his father on everything, so Max knew that being gay was wrong. So when Max was twelve years old and his father caught him staring at another boy in the supermarket- well, let’s just say he was covered in bruises for weeks and knew to never look at another boy for longer than half a second. But God, did he want to, he couldn’t help it- some boys were just so good looking.

But Max knew, that if his dad ever caught him staring at another boy again- not to mention, think of them as attractive, he knew he’d be in hospital before he could even look away.

So he knew he had to repress these feelings that he had, no one could ever know about this, because it was gross and wrong. And if he had masturbated to the thoughts of another man- no he didn’t. Especially not a man with tan skin, brown curls, big hand and a beatiful and huge smile, no, absolutely not.

“You wanna go out?” Daniel asked all of a sudden, Max sits up quickly, wiping off the frown of his face. “Get a drink somewhere else?”

And Max just nodded, before standing up, “Sure, let’s go.”

When Max woke up the day after, he had a pounding headache. Slight panic rose up in him when he realized he could feel the weight of another body lying on top of his left arm and part of his stomach. He slowly opened his eyes and turned his head to the side- trying to ignore the immediate urge to throw up and Max noticed Daniel curled up, lying on top of Max’ arm, his arms held tight around Max’ stomach.

Max tensed up and swallowed, looking down at himself, and felt relief flood over him once he realized that he was wearing the same hoodie he was wearing the night before. Kicking around with his feet, just to make sure he was still wearing his pants as well- which, thank God he was. He silently tried to free himself from Daniel’s grip and get up from the bed.

He noticed Daniel slowly waking up from the movement and Max looked down in horror at his erection that was very visibly showing through his sweatpants, quickly moving his hands in front of his crotch before running towards the bathroom, completely ignoring Daniel moving and mumbling from the bed.

He was sure he felt his throat closing up as tears filled his eyes. Breathing heavily he tightly gripped the sink, his knuckles whitening. The ringing in his ears worsening as he breath quickened up to the point where he was now definitely hyperventilating.

His fingers started tingling as he tightened his grip on the sink even more. Max felt himself get dizzy, the room around him was spinning and the walls were closing in on him.

He didn’t know how long this had been going on, all he knew was that all of a sudden a hand had softly and carefully been placed on his shoulder and he could hear a voice. He figured the voice must’ve belonged to the same person whose hand was placed upon his shoulder, but he couldn’t see anything- the tears in his eyes making his vision blurry- couldn't focus on what the voice was saying. 

The hand on his shoulder slowly moved to his hands, carefully trying to stop them from gripping on the sink.

Max only slightly snapped out of it when he felt a hand being placed on his cheek and his head being tilted up, he blinked a few times and noticed he was now sitting on the floor, Daniel being crouched before him, looking at him with worried eyes. 

The other man’s lips were moving, but Max still couldn’t hear anything but the ringing in his ears. All he knew was that Daniel now had taken his hands in his and was now breathing in and out very slowly, making him try to match his breathing.

So after, well, honestly who knows, could’ve been seconds, could’ve been hours, Max was now taking deep and slow breaths.

The ringing in his ears had finally stopped and even though they still felt like they were plugged, he could now thankfully hear that Daniel was talking him through the whole thing- counting along with his breaths, telling him how good he was doing, that he was there and everything was going to be alright.

And Max believed him.

“Thank you.” he said after he had finally catched his breath- voice raspy. “I don’t, I don’t really know what just happened.”

“Seemed like a panic attack.” Daniel commented.

He still had that worried look in his eyes and Max absolutely hated it, because worrying about someone meant that you cared about them and Max didn’t deserve anyone to care about him, let alone Daniel.

“Do you know what caused it?” 

Max’ eyes snapped open with panic and quickly looked down, sighing in relief when he realized his erection had thankfully gone away. So he quickly shook his head, not saying anything.

When he looked up at Daniel again he noticed he was frowning, his eyebrows were furrowed and he looked sad. 

Max didn’t even notice they were still holding hands until the older man dropped them and stood up. Max quickly wiped his hands and looked down, trying to hide the blush creeping up on his cheeks.

“I’m gonna get you some water,” Daniel spoke up, he was fidgeting Max noticed. He had never seen him do that before, had never noticed him looking nervous before. “Do you think you’re ok to get up? Or do I need to- should I help you?” 

The younger boy shrugged nonchalantly as he went to stand up, stumbling a bit. 

Daniel was standing next to him almost immediately, had put his left hand on Max’ lower back while his right was tightly held around his upper arm. 

“I’m fine,” he tried to shake Daniel off, but Daniel kept still. “I’m serious, Daniel, I’m fine.”

Max tried to supress the sadness he felt when he had finally let go off him. It didn’t make sense, he wanted him to let go, so why did he miss the feeling of the other man’s hands on him when he did? Why did he miss it at all? It wasn’t right, he shouldn’t want any man to touch him at all. Ever. 

“Here you go.” A glass of water put in front of him and Max looked up, smiling slightly. “Drink all of it, but slowly.”

“Yes, mom.” he scoffed, but took a tiny sip anyway.

“Good boy.”

A short loud laugh erupted when Max choked on his water.

When looking up, Max realized he had never seen something quite as beautiful as the man that was currently standing in front of him wearing only his underwear and a t-shirt that was too small on him (and defenitely Max’s). He had the biggest smile on his face and Max swore his could see sparkles in his eyes.

“You’re a dick.” he muttered, hiding his reddened face in his hands.

“You love it.” 

Max didn’t even have to look at him to know that the other man was smirking at him. He ignored the urge to say that, yes, he did, and stayed silent, looking up at Daniel with a faint smile on his face.

Daniel looked back at him, that beautiful wide grin still on his face, “You hungry? I can get us breakfast.”

And Max rolled his eyes, “You don’t have to do this, Daniel. Just because I had a fucking panic attack, doesn’t mean I am about to die anytime soon. I really am fine, I promise.”

“I know I don’t have to, I want to.” he shrugged. “Besides, I'm starving, I just asked you to be polite. Not everything is about you, Maxy.”

Max laughed loudly at that, “Well. In that case, I'm starving.”

“Too late now, mate. You’ve had your chance.” he called out as he walked over to the other side of the room. And Max definitely wasn’t looking at his ass and the way Daniel was dramatically swaying his hips as he walked away, definitely not.

He quickly looked away when Daniel took his- his- shirt off to put on a new one and took another sip of his water.   
It didn’t take long for Daniel to be fully dressed and standing inside the doorway, phone and wallted clutched in his hand.

“So, I’ll be right back with your breakfast, Maxy.” he smiled at him and Max couldn’t help but blush at the nickname the other man now apparently had assigned to him.

He was standing in the hotel hallway and called out, “Don’t go anywhere!” before he slammed the door shut, leaving Max all alone, flustered and confused.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed up the chapters, combining 1&2 and 3&4, so that the chapters are longer. The story is the same.

It was months later, when he was on summer break and Max was sitting on his couch, phone in his hand mindlessly scrolling on instagram, liking every few picture and he got a message.

Daniel Ricciardo:  
you up?

Max huffed and smiled slightly, as he replied with a short “nope”.

The incoming facetime call came almost immediately and Max sat up straight, combing his fingers through his hair before picking up. His smile widening when Daniel’s face pops up on his phone.

Daniel’s eyes were wide, smirk playing on his lips, “Oh my god, Maxy, I can see your hair.” 

And Max rolled his eyes and scoffed. “You see me without my cap all the time, Daniel, don’t be stupid.”

“Can’t help it, I always am.” he smiled widely.

“Yeah, you are.” Max smiled back. His eyes furrowed when he looked at the scene behind the other man, “Are you in an airport right now?”

“Why, yes I am, dear Maxy!” Daniel gasped dramatically, “I’m flying back home in-” he brought up his wrist, as if to look at the watch he wasn’t wearing. “five minutes.”

Max couldn’t help but smile at that, he hadn’t seen Daniel in what felt like years, but in reality had only been two weeks. “So, you’re back tomorrow?”

He Aussie nodded, “Yeah, you wanna pick me up?”

“Sure,” he shrugged. “Just tekst me the flight info and I'll be there.”

“That’s great, Maxy, thank you.”

“No big deal, besides-” Max smirked, “I’ll just drive your car.”

Daniel scoffed, “As if you haven’t been using it everyday for the past two weeks.” 

Although it hadn’t been ‘everyday for the past two weeks’, Max had in fact used Daniel’s car multiple times when the other man had been in Perth. But who could blame him, Daniel and Max had given each other spare keys to their apartments a while ago and Daniel had asked the younger man to take care of his plants while he had gone back to his parents. It wasn’t Max’s fault the Aussie had left his carkeys on the kitchen counter, if he didn’t want Max to drive his car, he should’ve hidden his keys.

Max knew it was alright though, the two of them had grown a lot closer over the past few months, hanging out together almost everyday. Walking in and out of each others apartments as if they were their own, using each others stuff as if it were their own, so Max knew it was fine, he was allowed to drive his car- as long as he didn’t crash it.

Daniel laughed loudly when Max didn’t reply, “I fucking knew it.”

And Max just shrugged, smiling smugly. “Should’ve hidden the keys if you didn’t want me too.”

“Nah it’s fine, what’s mine is yours, baby.”

He could feel his cheeks heat up. He should’ve gotten used to it by now, Daniel was a very affectionate and touchy-feely person and with how close they’ve gotten, Max really shouldn’t be as caught off guard as he was. Max had even gotten a bit more comfortable with the touching, but the sudden pet names still made him blush.

He cleared his throat- and Max tried to ignore the hint of guilt he noticed in Daniel’s eyes.

“I- uh- I gotta go.” Daniel pointed his thumb behind him. “Flight’s gonna take off soon.”

Max nodded, “Yeah, sure, have a safe flight. I’ll see you- um, see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, Maxy.” Daniel smiled at him and waved at him awkwardly before hanging up.

If anyone asked, Max would defenitely deny having deep cleaned his house the second Daniel hung up the phone. But honestly, he couldn’t have just left the place like that while knowing Daniel was probably gonna come over- not that he had to impress him, not at all, Max just liked his place to look clean for any occassional guests, not specifically Daniel.

He brushed his fingers through his hair, looking in the mirror once more, before finally walking out the door and closing it behind him. 

Quickly sending Daniel a message that he was about to leave, he walked over towards the other man’s car.

Once arrived, he checked his phone after getting out of the car, a smile on his face when he realized that Daniel had already landed. 

Max  
I’m in the parking lot, where are you?

The reply comes almost instantly, a simple “right behind you”.

Max furrowed his eyebrows and turned around, being met with the Aussie and Max’ breath hitched. He looked, good. His hair was messy and he was wearing the ugliest sweatpants with an oversized hoodie and honestly, the combination was hideous, but he looked rested. His smile even bigger than it usually was and Max loved it.

“Hey Daniel.” Max walked over, nervous smile on his face. Why was he nervous? It's just Daniel, he has probably seen this man more times than he can count, his teammate, his friend. 

“Maxy!” Daniel all but screamed out, practically running over to the younger man, arms wide open in invitation.

He threw his hands around Max, once they’d reach one another and Max tensed for a second, before relaxing in the other man’s embrace. Hesitantly wrapping his arm around his waist for a few seconds, before pulling back.

He looked down, fiddling with the string of his hoodie and cleared his throat, “How was the flight.”

“Was fine,” Daniel smiled at him and Max smiled back. “missed you.” he said.

And Max nearly choked on his own spit, “You did?” 

“Of course I did mate! Feels like I haven’t seen you in months!” 

“Oh.” A nervous smile forms on Max’s lips, “I, eh, I missed you too.” 

He cringed at how uncomfortable he must’ve sounded. He wasn’t used to missing people, let alone telling people he missed them. And he hated himself just a tiny bit more the second the words left his mouth, he shouldn’t have said that. Missing someone, a guy, it’s not right and Daniel will think he’s gay and like, in love with him or something. And he wasn’t. He wasn’t. Really, he wasn’t.

But he looked up again and saw Daniel smile at him and it looked so genuine, that he almost didn’t mind it anymore, because he believed it when Daniel said he had missed him. And he couldn’t be mad at Max for missing him when, Daniel had missed him himself as well, right?

“You ready to go, Maxy?” his voice was soft, almost as if he could notice Max panicking inside.

Max swallowed drly and nodded. Shaking his head as if to compose himself again and he looked up, smiling weakly. “Yeah, let’s go.

Once gotten out of the car, they went into their apartment complex, but just as Max was about to say goodbye to the Aussie, Daniel spoke up. “Can I have my keys?”

“Oh, right.” Max dug into his pocket and fished out the car keys, handing them over to Daniel.

“No, I meant the keys to my house,” he chuckled and Max frowned. Did he not want Max to have a spare key anymore? Sadness washed over him, immediately panicking, did he do something wrong? Does Daniel not like him anymore?

Daniel noticed the frown on the younger man’s face and his smile washed away, “No, mate, don’t worry.” he said. “I just need to borrow yours, I forgot mine.”

“Oh,” he visibly relaxed and nodded, feeling just a tad bit stupid for overreacting. “I don’t have them with me though.”

“That’s fine,” Daniel promised. “We’ll just go up to yours first.”

And Max nodded, grabbing the older man’s carry on bag and started walking.

A while after Daniel had finally settled into the couch in Max’s living room, while Max was standing still in the kitchen, looking at him. He was nervously picking on his finger nails before finally speaking up, “You want something to drink?” he asked.

Daniel shook his head, “Nah.”

“Do you mind if I take a shower? Spending more than half of a day on a plane, I just feel kinda gross.” he asked and Max’s mind short circuited.

With his eyes wide he hesitantly nodded, muttering a quiet ‘sure’ and Daniel smiled and thanked him before getting up and skipping over to the bathroom.

“Oh mijn god,” Max breathed out. 

Sure, he and Daniel had gotten quite close over the past few months, but he couldn’t help but feel nervous thinking about Daniel in his shower. Naked. 

“Godverdomme.” 

He shouldn’t like the thought of this as much as he did. Hell, he shouldn’t even be thinking about this at all. Your friend is using your shower, so what? He uses the same shower as hundreds of other people while travelling, everyone uses hotel showers- so does Daniel. So why is Daniel using his shower, so different?  
It didn’t take long for Daniel to come back, walking into the living room and plopping down onto the couch. “Why is it that your shower is so much better than mine? I might have to come over here everyday and use your shower instead.” 

Max laughed, “Is it really?” 

“Yes! Your shower is so much better than mine! It’s not fair!” Daniel declared, laughing loudly.

Raising an eyebow, Max snorted, “We have the exact same shower, though, mine can’t be that much better.”

“It really is though.”

“Gonna have to try yours sometime then,” Max smirked. “We’ll see whose is better.”

Daniel raised an eyebrow, looking almost shocked and Max didn’t really get why until he realized what he just said. Daniel noticed the panicked look on his face and spoke up, before Max could say anything. “Sure,” he laughed. “you know you’re always welcome.”

A small smile formed on Max’s lips as he relaxed. “You want a beer?” he asked.

And Daniel nodded, shifting in his seat, making himself more comfortable. “Sure.”

“And then he just-” Max hiccupped and burped. “just, drove away and left me there. And he picked me up after a while, but he didn’t talk to me for a week.” 

Daniel’s eyes widened but quickly composed himself, smiling sadly at the younger boy sitting next to him. Maz shrugged and rolled his eyes, “But it’s ok, it was my fault anyway, I shouldn’t have done that.” 

“No, it wasn’t your fault. It might’ve been a stupid move but-“ Daniel shrugged, “he had no right to treat you like that, you were just a kid.” 

“Yeah.” He sighed, brushing his fingers through his hair, before leaning back against the backrest of the couch, his cheeks heating up when he noticed his and Daniel’s legs being pressed up against each other’s.

“It really wasn’t your fault, Maxy.” Daniel rested his hand on Max’s knee, squeezing it softly. “None of this was. Your father behaving the way he does, o-or, or did?” he scrunched up his nose, stumbling over the words. “His behavior has nothing to do with you, him being an asshole isn’t your fault.”

They stayed silent for a while, Daniel’s hand still resting on Max’s leg, having moved up a bit higher. Max swallowed dryly, biting his lip and looked away once he felt his heart beating faster.

“Did you, uh-“ he coughed awkwardly. “Did you know that you’re my only friend, Daniel?” 

He saw the other man’s eyes widen. “My first friend even, actually.” 

“Really?”

Max nodded. “Yeah, my dad, he, uh, he never really let me have any friends.” He shrugged, “Said I should do better and making friends would only be a distraction from karting or racing, I guess. Said it’d make me soft.”

“Jesus, your dad really is an asshole.” Daniel breathed out and Max chuckled, silently agreeing. “I really hate him.”

“I don’t.” he replied, looking down and he hear Daniel scoff. “I mean, I do, but he’s still my dad, you know.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“He’s wrong though, Maxy, you know that?” Daniel looked at him, smiling sympathetically. “He really is. You’re always have been an amazing driver, but we’re friends and you still are. You could have all the friends you’d want and it would not change your ability to drive at all.”

Max smiled at him sadly, “Wouldn’t make much of a difference. Even if I wanted to have more friends, it’s not like anyone would want to be my friend.” 

“That’s not true. I’m sure lots of people would want to be your friend. Sure you’re a bit of an asshole sometimes-“ Max lets out a loud laugh. “but getting to know you has really changed my life for the better. You are my best friend, Maxy, and I don’t want to have to share you, but I know it’d be good for you, so I’ll deal with it.”

His eyes widened and Max looked at him in awe, “I’m your best friend?”

Daniel nodded, “You are, don’t tell Michael though.”

Max chuckled and Daniel spoke up again, looking a bit nervous all of a sudden. “I mean so is Michael, but it’s different with you.”

And there it was again, Daniel moving up his hand a bit. Max licked his lips, looking down to Daniel’s hand that was now resting on Max’s inner thigh. 

He felt his heart speed up again and started playing with the strings of his- Daniel’s (he let him borrow it a few hours ago, when the Aussie noticed he was cold) hoodie. 

The younger boy had always felt a bit uncomfortable with physical contact, but this was different. He wasn’t uncomfortable, it just made him really nervous. And he knew it shouldn’t, he had no reason to be this nervous about this, he knew Daniel was only trying to comfort him.

At least, he thought he was, but then, why would he move his hand up all the way to his inner thigh?

He felt Daniel’s fingers tap against his leg and he looked up at him, only to notice the Aussie already looking at him, unreadable expression on his face.

“What are you doing?” he tried to steady his voice, but it came out as a shaky whisper.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry.” Daniel pulled his hand away, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, shit, sorry.”

“I’m not.” Max rushed out and smiled shyly. “Uncomfortable, I mean.”

He wasn’t sure where all his confidence came from suddenly, but he figured it must’ve been the alcohol. He knew he never would’ve been able to say any of the shit he’d said about his father that night anyway, let alone let another man touch him like he was.

Or touch another man himself, because he didn’t know when or how it happened, but Max had grabbed Daniel’s hand, placing it on his leg again, while resting his other hand on Daniel’s waist.

“Oh.” Daniel looked shocked, but didn’t pull away and Max took that as his chance. He pulled his hand away from Daniel’s waist and placed it on his cheek.

Their faces were only inches apart now and Daniel’s breath hitched, making Max’s eyes flicker from Daniel’s eyes to his lips. He noticed the other man lick his lips and he looked into his eyes again, silently asking for permission .  
He gave a slight nod and that’s all it took for Max to move forward and slowly press his lips against Daniel’s. 

It only lasted for half a second before Max pulled away, looking down at the older man in front of him with wide eyes. 

Max’s hand was still resting on Daniel’s cheek, he moved his thumb slowly caressing the skin. Looking down he noticed Daniel lick his lips before leaning in to kiss him again. 

He quickly moved up his hands and tangled his fingers in Daniel’s hair, he pressed his body further up against his, smiling into the kiss. And while he kissed him hard and enthusiastic, Max found Daniel’s lips to be soft and warm. 

He didn’t know how long they had been making out, didn't care. Max had never felt this good, this... free. He felt his hoodie moving up slightly, cold fingers brushed against his hot skin and Max jerked away, eyes wide “Shit,” he muttered, pushing Daniel off of him.

“I, uh, fuck-“ Max stood up, burying his face in his hands, “I should not have done that. This, this did not happen, ok?” 

Daniel stood up, moving to grab Max’s hand, only to have it pushed away immediately. “Max,” he tried, but Max shook his head, walking away, turning back around right away.

“No. No, Daniel, this should not have happened.” He kept shaking his head vigorously. “This did not happen.” 

“Maxy, please.” He pleaded.

“No,” he was pacing around now. “Can you just go, please?”

Daniel kept silent and looked at him, sadly.

“Please, Daniel.” He whispered, voice cracking only slightly and Daniel nodded, walking towards the door.

“Just, come by tomorrow?” he fidgeted with his fingers, “or call, or text. Just. Please.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever. Just go now, please.” 

“Ok.” Daniel opened the door and sighed, “I’m sorry, Maxy.”

Max looked down, not saying anything.

“Goodnight, Maxy.” Was all Max heard before the door closed.

Looking up he noticed Daniel had left and that was all it took for Max to break down crying, hating himself more than he already did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh mijn god: Oh my God  
> Godverdomme: God damnit.


End file.
